This morning I had such an "ah-ha" moment. I've really been struggling with the idea that we may not foster again, for a while at least, while we devote our time and attention to the kids we already have. I've struggled with this, because *my* plan included me always having a baby to love on. :)
This morning H was actually cuddly, which is pretty unusual. Even more unusual, she saw Z sitting by himself and motioned him over. As I sat with the two of them on my lap, I realized that when they were 16 and 17, we wouldn't really be able to do this anymore. It really hit me that I have my whole life ahead of me, and I'm just really in a hurry to have it all now.
G wandered in, and H motioned her over, too, so here we are, all snuggled together happily on the couch. I think this picture will forever be a reminder to me to be patient!
So now I'll take a deep breath. We had therapy today, and I forgot to take off H's ADHD sticker, so she's wound, wound, wound up, and full of big feelings. I've been trying to settle her to sleep since 8:30, and it's after 10:30 now. :( It's been another evening with her lashing out against me, and I feel battle-sore. T stepped in giving me a break. I changed loads of laundry, and posted this quick. I think I've got to give up trying to understand what God is doing. But just like H wants to hold it all to herself and bottle it up and control it, I have such a hard time releasing things to God. Especially releasing my kids, especially H. Deep thoughts tonight.
1 comment:
What a fantastic photo, and story to go along with it. I imagine myself as H and you as God. At my best times, I'm able to cuddle and invite others into the love. But alot of the time I'm spinning around frustrating God's plan for me instead of being able to relax into God's goodness.
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