Monday, August 18, 2008

Believing in your own worth


So, after reading the Twilight Saga, which I thoroughly enjoyed, our babysitter and former foster daughter, Natalee recommened I read A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. I enjoyed it and read its sequel Rebel Angels. The books are about a group of girls who discover a realm of magic, back in the 1800s. It is a really good story, and pretty thought provoking, too. Each novel has discussion questions at the end, as well as an interview with the author. One of the questions was about whether or not society today limits girls like they were limited in the 1800s. Here is a partial quote from the author:

“These limitations are reinforced by our culture, but we, as women, also play along. And it would be good for us to stop doing that, to stop that relentless comparison and self-flagellation and start enjoying who we are and what we bring to the table. I remember reading a quote somewhere that said, ‘How much more could women accomplish if they didn’t spend so much time trying to fix themselves?’ That really made me stop and think. I think we need to stop operating as if there is something wrong with us, as if what we have to say needs to be prefaced by “Um” or “I’m sorry” or “This is probably stupid but” or some other words that communicate our lack of faith in our own power. Own it, man. It’s all you and it’s all good. And if you find out you’re wrong, well, so what? Own that, too. But I think you first have to get comfortable with the idea that when you go your own way, people may dislike you for it. And you have to be able to tolerate that. “ (From end notes in Rebel Angels by Libba Bray)

This just really stopped me in my tracks. I feel like I'm doing and have done some wonderful things in my life. Yet my thoughts are so often self-degrading and condemning. And I think it's about time I accept my good attributes with as much ferocity as I hold onto the negative ones with. Give myself a pat on the back once in a while instead of looking for faults. Thank God for the skills I've been blessed with, the opportunities I've been given, and the good I've done with God's help rather than pray for God to fix something I think is wrong with me. (Not that I can't ever want anything "fixed" but rather finding that balance...)

I have some good friends who I really look up to. I see them as examples of the self confidence I hope I'll have more of in the future. Vastly different women, but women who don't appologize for how they live their lives, or the fact that their lives don't meet some standard set forth by... whoever. I feel blessed that God has given me so many friends like this. I'm surprised it took me so long to realize why I'm so drawn to them. But thank you, God, for putting them in my life!

And Now I Give You... a hickman

So, my last post was just after D's 7/25 surgery to put in a new port. Well, by mid August he was having problems again, and this time it turned out that it had slipped out of the vein it was suppoed to be delivering medicine to. So, off to surgery again, and this time trying a different type of vein access called a hickman. I did a quick Google on hickman and found the picture above. Obviously that's not D's hairy chest. :) But it's very similar to his hickman - except he only has one tube, not the two that this guy has.
The surgery went well and his recovery was better this time than any of his previous surgeries. I'm just really hoping that we can make this one last a LONG time and he won't need another surgery... for a year???