This morning I had such an "ah-ha" moment. I've really been struggling with the idea that we may not foster again, for a while at least, while we devote our time and attention to the kids we already have. I've struggled with this, because *my* plan included me always having a baby to love on. :)
This morning H was actually cuddly, which is pretty unusual. Even more unusual, she saw Z sitting by himself and motioned him over. As I sat with the two of them on my lap, I realized that when they were 16 and 17, we wouldn't really be able to do this anymore. It really hit me that I have my whole life ahead of me, and I'm just really in a hurry to have it all now.
G wandered in, and H motioned her over, too, so here we are, all snuggled together happily on the couch. I think this picture will forever be a reminder to me to be patient!
So now I'll take a deep breath. We had therapy today, and I forgot to take off H's ADHD sticker, so she's wound, wound, wound up, and full of big feelings. I've been trying to settle her to sleep since 8:30, and it's after 10:30 now. :( It's been another evening with her lashing out against me, and I feel battle-sore. T stepped in giving me a break. I changed loads of laundry, and posted this quick. I think I've got to give up trying to understand what God is doing. But just like H wants to hold it all to herself and bottle it up and control it, I have such a hard time releasing things to God. Especially releasing my kids, especially H. Deep thoughts tonight.
