I had an interesting conversation with H in the van this weekend. H and I seem to have a lot of meaningful talks in vehicles. She asked me how long she’d have to continue to see her therapist. (We go each week for an hour.) I explained that we’d go for a long time. Then I was inspired to explain why. To make a long story short, I explained was “trauma” was. I think I actually did a decent job of it, too. And I explained that after a trauma, our minds and bodies can trick us into feeling scared, even when everything is ok. I decided to use an example to make my point.
C: So, even though you know that Daddy and I would never hurt you, sometimes you used to get very scared at bedtime.
H: Oh, I don’t think you’ll hurt me at bedtime, I think about how you’ll hurt me right now, in the van.
C: But you know that Daddy and I don’t hurt kids. We keep you safe.
H: But you might hurt me. You could hurt me right now.
The conversation went on for a little longer, because I just couldn’t believe she meant what it sounded like. But she did. She did mean it. She really doesn’t feel safe. She really thinks, any minute, despite almost 3 years of relative calm and overall safety… she still thinks that any minute it could all change and we’ll hurt her.
I just continue to pray. I don’t know what else to do.
2 comments:
Pray, and stay in therapy!
Thanks for sharing your conversation. Luke right now is going through really serious separation anxiety. And although he can't talk yet, I have the feeling he has similar irrational thoughts--although we've ALWAYS come back for him, this time we might not. (Although you've NEVER hurt her, this time you might.)
It's a miracle that H can verbalize her thoughts and feelings so well. Sounds hopeful to me!
Our therapist, too, reminded me how wonderful it is that she can verbalize her feelings. Since she can talk about it, we can, too, and that gives us lots of opportunities to reassure her.
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