Believing in your own worth

So, after reading the Twilight Saga, which I thoroughly enjoyed, our babysitter and former foster daughter, Natalee recommened I read A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. I enjoyed it and read its sequel Rebel Angels. The books are about a group of girls who discover a realm of magic, back in the 1800s. It is a really good story, and pretty thought provoking, too. Each novel has discussion questions at the end, as well as an interview with the author. One of the questions was about whether or not society today limits girls like they were limited in the 1800s. Here is a partial quote from the author:

“These limitations are reinforced by our culture, but we, as women, also play along. And it would be good for us to stop doing that, to stop that relentless comparison and self-flagellation and start enjoying who we are and what we bring to the table. I remember reading a quote somewhere that said, ‘How much more could women accomplish if they didn’t spend so much time trying to fix themselves?’ That really made me stop and think. I think we need to stop operating as if there is something wrong with us, as if what we have to say needs to be prefaced by “Um” or “I’m sorry” or “This is probably stupid but” or some other words that communicate our lack of faith in our own power. Own it, man. It’s all you and it’s all good. And if you find out you’re wrong, well, so what? Own that, too. But I think you first have to get comfortable with the idea that when you go your own way, people may dislike you for it. And you have to be able to tolerate that. “ (From end notes in Rebel Angels by Libba Bray)

This just really stopped me in my tracks. I feel like I'm doing and have done some wonderful things in my life. Yet my thoughts are so often self-degrading and condemning. And I think it's about time I accept my good attributes with as much ferocity as I hold onto the negative ones with. Give myself a pat on the back once in a while instead of looking for faults. Thank God for the skills I've been blessed with, the opportunities I've been given, and the good I've done with God's help rather than pray for God to fix something I think is wrong with me. (Not that I can't ever want anything "fixed" but rather finding that balance...)

I have some good friends who I really look up to. I see them as examples of the self confidence I hope I'll have more of in the future. Vastly different women, but women who don't appologize for how they live their lives, or the fact that their lives don't meet some standard set forth by... whoever. I feel blessed that God has given me so many friends like this. I'm surprised it took me so long to realize why I'm so drawn to them. But thank you, God, for putting them in my life!

And Now I Give You... a hickman

So, my last post was just after D's 7/25 surgery to put in a new port. Well, by mid August he was having problems again, and this time it turned out that it had slipped out of the vein it was suppoed to be delivering medicine to. So, off to surgery again, and this time trying a different type of vein access called a hickman. I did a quick Google on hickman and found the picture above. Obviously that's not D's hairy chest. :) But it's very similar to his hickman - except he only has one tube, not the two that this guy has.

The surgery went well and his recovery was better this time than any of his previous surgeries. I'm just really hoping that we can make this one last a LONG time and he won't need another surgery... for a year???

Forbidden Fruit

D had his surgery yesterday. Previous experience had me expecting that he would be groggy and take 12-24 hours to recover. I talked with the nurses about this, and they agreed that he should be admitted as an inpatient. The surgery doctor had a different opinion, though, so we had to "wait and see". So, after he was still sleeping 2+ hours after surgery, and still needing oxygen... they admitted him and we stayed overnight. He's recovered well and we were able to come home this morning. I was glad to be at the hospital overnight.

But... that left T home with the other kids. And he was about to pull his hair out! At work he has missed a lot of time this week so that I could take D to the various "car mechanic" appointments. And this on the week following his vacation, when things are backed up. And the kids at home... sheesh! At least knowing they are driving him crazy makes me feel not so bad! It's not just me!

I guess up until this past week they have been very busy with one camp or another. Now all we have going on are swimming lessons (and, apparently, fighting). I bet this is what my sister and I did to our mom, and I really regret it now!

So, with both of us at our wits' end, it was time to pull out the big guns! I promised a trip to the pool and then threatened not to take them if they didn't shape up! :) We actually made it to the pool pretty fast, but were only there less than an hour before we heard a loud rumble of thunder and they closed the pool! This absolutely was not long enough for T to get work done at home, not long enough for me to read at the pool, and certainly not long enough to wear them out! Plus they whined at *me* about the pool closing! Like I can control the weather! And all this while making snotty comments to each other and trying to make each other cry.

So I got creative... I forbid them to play with each other. Let them know that I'd bring them each up a box of toys from the basement, but they had to play by themselves for the rest of the day. And... it worked! The house was so quiet!! And by supper time they were begging to play together! (and I didn't give in!) After supper we played some cards together and had a good goofy time - and they were less hateful to each other!

So, now we have another tool in our parenting tool box. And another great memory was made, too. H has a habit of repeating lines from movies or tv shows. The thing is, they are often mispronounced or have words switched, and they are never spoken at an appropriate time. For example... tonight we were playing go fish. When H told T to go fish and he sighed at her she snapped back "Don't look at me! I'm a chicken wing!" And laughing with her about it just makes it a household phrase... it was used several times before the night was over!

Four for Four

So today was our fourth day with a visit to the children's hospital, and the mechanic finally heard the noise. The bad news is that D will need another procedure sometime in the next week. The good news is that he's off his home IV until the procedure... so no nurse needed. Much more of a normal kid scenario.

It never ceases to amaze me how surprised the doctors seem when parents are right. In this case I wish I'd been wrong... but at least we know what's going on now and they are making a plan to fix it. In the mean time I'll enjoy my tube free kiddo! :)

It's like taking your car to the mechanic

I can remember a time shortly after T and I were married when my car was having problems. I described to T what was going on. We even traded cars for several days. But the problem never happened when he was in the car. And soon it felt like *I* was the one with the problem. And now I'm feeling like that with D!!!

On Sunday I took him to the ER with a problem with his IV port. They saw the problem there, but needed us to come back Monday for an x-ray exam. When we got to x-ray the next day... you got it, everything was fine. So they sent us on our merry way. And today, Tuesday, problems again. 2:10pm I called the doctor's office. Ugh. D's nurse wasn't in. Talked to a sub. She wants us downtown asap. No way can I take the other 3 kids downtown. So I found a sitter, took all three kids to pick her up while D's nurse got him ready to go. Brought the sitter home (I love N so much!) Got D loaded up and headed downtown. I was there by 4pm - including the 45 minute drive. I called them on the way and the nurse was disappointed at how long it was taking me. Again. Ugh. I felt like I'd run a marathon, but "the doctor really wanted you here by 3:30". I bit my tongue, but I really wanted to let her know what *I* really wanted.

Among other things, I really wanted them to do the x-ray test the minute I got there. Instead we chilled in the waiting room and were finally taken back, weighed, measured, etc and then the vascular access team (IV/port experts) were called to take a look. Wow! The problem really was there, just like I said. But, oh no, radiology is closed. So I'll need to come back tomorrow so they can do the x-ray exam again! I'm betting he'll be fine again tomorrow...

At least I have enough notice to pack a bag with snacks and a good book to read while I wait. Because if there's anything else I'm sure of, it's that they'll have me rush into the hospital and then have me wait. On the bright side, if I was the one at home with the other kids my book would be on the shelf... :)

Catching up

Just a quick catch up post...

1. Tony started a blog. I like it. Link on the sidebar.
2. New home health nurse. I love her. She'll be leaving soon, but she's training in her own replacement. I think we may even be friends after she leaves. :) She's been a foster and adoptive parent to a kiddo with special needs.
3. Had a GREAT week at Camp Luther!!!
4. Met a couple at camp with their adult daughter with special needs. Had great talks with them and hope to stay in touch.
5. Feeling like God is sending us all the support we need to make a big decision...
6. Z, H, and G are taking swim lessons this week and next.
7. D has stayed out of the hospital so far this month... with the exception of an ER visit last night... doing fine today. False alarm, I hope.
8. Been a while since we talked with or seen J (he moved out last month... on good terms) I miss him.
9. Just three weeks until we go to Wisconsin to visit my family! Just five weeks until school starts!!!!
10. I read the Twilight books by Stephenie Meyer. I have a new obsession!
11. Did I mention I love Camp Luther??? We had a blast! (with very few exceptions...)

I'll try to post more soon.

No Nurse

So, after D came home from the hospital I had some issues with our home health nurse and finally decided I was done worrying about whether the care she was giving him was good enough. Now we have no nurse.

Our new nurse will start next Thursday. This will give me plenty of time with D, and I'm happy about that. I would guess that by the time she starts I'll be desperate to have her here. But right now I'm really enjoying being able to take care of D all the time! And hoping that I'll have a better relationship with our new nurse.