Busy Times

This picture is from last Sunday, Easter. We've been through a busy week since then. On Easter D was sick, but not too bad. Bad enough that only T, J, and Z went to church. I stayed home with the girls and D; I did dress the girls up, though! We took this picture after the boys got home from church.

By Sunday night Z was throwing up. By Monday night everyone in the home was throwing up but me, and I was wishing I would, I felt so naseous! D was also very sick again. By Tuesday morning the vomitting had stopped, but D was even worse. T stayed home from work to recover, but ended up caring for Z, H, and G, who were feeling MUCH better (than T at least!) I took D to the emergency room and he was admitted to the hospital. Again. Not only was he dehydrated, but his intestines were just sick of being sick and decided to stop working. Poor guy! They had him feeling better pretty quickly, but it took a while for him to be ready to come home. He was finally discharged last night (Friday).

The kids were back in school by Wednesday, and all feeling much better. Z's birthday was Friday, along with a slumber party with 4 friends. We were determined that he would have a great birthday, and I think he really did. The boys played, played video games, watch the Transformers movie, and said "Dude!" more times than you can imagine!

So I guess life is headed back more toward normal!

We did learn some good lessons this week, and had great help from friends. This was D's 4th hospitalization this year! It looks like he's just a kid that gets sick easily, and gets really sick when he is sick. We had already realized that we would not be able to stay days with him in the hospital, but would split overnights. I hadn't counted on how heartbreaking it would be to leave him in the morning! I made a few phone calls and now have a handful of foster-grandmas for D who are willing to come sit for a few hours with him when he's in the hospital. And I thank God for that! On the way to pick G up from preschool I was on the verge of tears, frustrated with the whole situation, and I thought of my friend K, from church. I thought she might not have time to sit with D herself, but she knows about everyone in our entire church, and she might know not only who would have time, but also who would enjoy it. Ten minutes later she'd taken the whole thing out of my hands and by that evening had a list of foster-grandmas on call for when ever D was hospitalized! I am so thankful to K for stepping in. And glad that I listened to that little voice, (which I give credit to God for!) that was urging me to give K a call. Now we have a group of people who may not be able to do foster care themselves, but will enable us to be good foster parents to D! God is Good!

I also have some final thoughts on vomitting and a diarrhea story, so stop reading now if you're easily grossed out. :) Do you have any idea how many different ways people can throw up? I mean, how many different styles there are? And kind of funny how their personalities are matched. Z is quiet - you almost don't know he's doing it! And typical Z, very proud that he got to the bucket in time!

H is scatterbrained. It's like she has no idea she's going to throw up until it's coming out of her mouth. She also gets distracted between heaves, so even with stuff hanging from her face, she's looking around the room trying to see who's doing what, and seems surprised when another spasm hits 2 seconds later. (And by the way, if you cup your hand over your mouth when you're vomitting, it doesn't stop the vomit, it just gives it sort of a sprinkler action as it sprays between your fingers.)

G is a screamer. I didn't know you could vocalize *while* you are throwing up. I seriously flashed forward and thought "This is what she will sound like when she's in labor some day!" It was quite an interesting day.

On the bright side of things (because you have to look for a bright side!) when they put the feeding tube in D's stomach, they did something to the top of it to close it off to stuff coming back up out of the stomach. The purpose was to help with acid reflux, but it also serves to make him unable to vomit. So he may be high maintainance in many other ways, but he can't spray vomit on me!

On the other hand (or, shoudl I say, the other end), he is still able to poop, which leads to my diarrhea story. On Friday in the hospital at lunch time, D was a little fussy, but ok, so I took G down to the cafeteria to get some lunch. She was hanging out with us at the hospital, something she found very fun. Go figure. (although the cable tv, nickelodeon, and the Disney channel probably had a lot to do with it) Anyway, we went down for lunch and brought it up to D's room. When we got back he was in a GREAT mood. Kicking, laughing smiling. Hooray! So we waved hi and took our food to the desk at the side of the room and ate a quick lunch. He was laughing and smiling at us. So I ate first, washed up, and then went over to pick him up. Wow, did I find out why he was happy! The nurses had cradled him in with rolled up blankets, and he'd filled in that cradle/crater with liquid poop. It was every where! He was playing in it with his hand. Laughing and smiling. He had to feel better after purging all that. Even the nurses were impressed. (It's not often that you actually get to hear a nurse say "Oh, this is so gross!")

So that's the latest from my house. It's amazing how much better a good nights' sleep will make you feel! I'm so glad to be home!

We're connected again!

Our internet connection is back. Whew! I sure did miss it!

Things are settling down here at home with D. He's been healthy for about 2 weeks now. We're surviving spring break. (Well, kind of.)

Z is getting ready to celebrate his first communion. J is looking for a new job. H is struggling with some new anxieties, but doing well in therapy. T is off overtime!!! Hooray! G is just being G.

Right now the biggest thing at home is St. Patrick's day - or rather - Leprachauns! Leprachauns came to G's preschool on the last day before spring break last week. They turned over all the chairs in G's preschool room and turned the lights out! I talked to the kids about using their imaginations to make Leprachaun traps and they went wild! I had been planning to leave some leprachaun mayhem for them to find on Monday, but I didn't count on their imaginations providing it before then!

Ever since making the traps, the kids have been noticing their beds and toys are rearranged, and different than they left them. It has been so exciting here! The other night the leprachauns knocked G's pillow off her bed in the middle of the night! They messed up Z's trap, but weren't caught. All sorts of strange happenings. I'm looking forward to seeing what happens on the big day!

Seven Random Things About Myself

I've been asked by a friend to post 7 random things about myself:
1. I like Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. I subscribe to O Magazine
3. I prefer the indoors to the outdoors.
4. I like winter more than summer.
5. I always thought I'd have a large family, and I do now.
6. I've lived in Idaho, Michigan, Wisconsin, Connecticut, Minnesota, and Kansas
7. I'm currently addicted to EBay.

Our Internet Service is down!

I'm accessing from the library, but need to get back to T and the kids. Just a quick update - we found a nurse we like and are asking her to come for more days a week, so I'll have support 4-5 days a week. I'm getting more and more comfortable with her, so I think we'll work things out. We are doing 15 hr infusions a day, and that is actually working ok. I'm getting the help of a nurse at the doctor's office to advocate for staying with 15 if it is helping D.

I will post more when I can! Thanks to everyone for their support!

What it's really like here

I think I have done a lot of putting on a good face lately. Mostly because I feel like so many people think we are crazy for fostering again, especially with H still being so needy, and especially with all the (ever increasing!) needs D has. I don’t want to hear “I told you so” from anyone (not that we asked anyone!) So even though I’ve been feeling increasingly overwhelmed and have had many times where I’ve thought “but that’s not how I thought this would go!”, I have been acting to others like everything is just fine. I just don’t want to hear “I don’t know how you do it!” anymore.

So, here is how things *really* are… So, just like any other child we’ve fostered, the things we thought would be tough about D turn out not to be that bad. Feeding him through a tube to his tummy? Actually, honestly, easier than bottles! I’ve even done it on the go a couple of times. Giving him IV meds? A serious thing, but not difficult. Taking care of him? A delight! What a fun kid! Bringing him along to church or to and from school? He really enjoys getting out, and I’m so proud to be with him!

BUT, there’s the nursing help. We were offered and encouraged to take a lot of nursing help. Basically we have a nurse in every weekday now. And we’ve had ok, good, and great nurses, too. I was happy to figure out I CAN do it by myself. But the thing is, it’s not D’s day to day care that takes time, it’s being his social secretary! In the month of March he currently has 4 appointments at the city hospital. Two therapists will come each week to the house, along with 3 social work visits. Plus the phone time spent making sure he has all the meds he needs when he needs them, and that we get a nurse out on the right day to get the right services.

Back to the nursing… I’m just having a hard time getting used to having someone else in my house all the time. Especially because I’m here most of the time. And we want D involved in the family and with us as much as possible, but it’s much easier and comfortable for the nurses just to keep him by his crib. Which happens to be in my room. So the whole idea where I get to nap after being up all night at the hospital? I’m stuck napping on Hassani’s bed. It works, but it’s not like hanging out on my bed. So I’m still working the kinks out of this whole nursing thing. I definitely need the help to be able to be a mother to everyone, but I have to work it out in such a way that it’s easier for me, too.

Another thing we didn’t see coming… hospitalizations! We knew he got sick easily, but I hadn’t realized how easily he’d end up hospitalized for a few days! Just last weekend he was in from Thursday afternoon to Saturday. T & I had a real heart to heart. As incredibly sad as it makes me, we have admitted that if he’s hospitalized on a weekday, we just won’t be able to stay with him around the clock. It breaks my heart to think of him alone there, but Z, H, & G, and even J need their parents!

AND now the doctor wants to increase his overnight IV meds from 10 hours to 20 hours. The other doctors on the team have all told me, away from their superior doctor that they think 20 hours is too much and I need to speak up and let him know we can’t do it. And I did try. I really was my assertive best trying to figure out a compromise or alternative that will be just as good for D. And in the end… he just INSISTS that D needs 20 hours. And my only objection is that I don't want so many nurses in the house. The doctor thinks I'm crazy not wanting the help.

Right now (today) we’ve increased to 15 hours (4pm – 7am). We picked these hours to make it possible for us to do it without nursing help. But going up to 20 hours (probably 11am- 7am the next day) will mean that we can’t D out of the house during those hours, and we have to have a nurse here to take care of him. So we’ll be having a nurse every day but Sunday, I guess. If they can find a nurse or nurses to do it. I just have to figure out what hours I want the help, and then figure out how things work best for the family.

But, despite all the negative I’ve just vented, we are so in love with him. He is the sweetest kid ever! I’m so excited to work with his physical and early childhood therapists to see what kind of stuff he can do. I love his smiles, and I do feel like God put him with us because there are so few families that could really handle him.

And I’ve also realized that, in a lot of ways, he’s actually easier to handle than a “typical” young foster child. He can’t even move/crawl/walk right now, so he’s not getting into anyone’s stuff. There are no negative behaviors or cuss words he can teach the kids. And they are learning plenty about being kind and compassionate, even without our encouragement! Z, H, and G are concerned that D will not be able to eat cake (nothing by mouth) for his birthday. “Don’t they make frosting to go in that tube?” :) We will have to figure out something very special.

So I guess what I’m saying is that it’s totally worth it! Mostly the thing that bothers me is that I had pictured being able to take him with me on our family outings, being part of our family! But now that might not be possible, and that makes me so sad. I really miss that vision of what I thought our family would be like. So tonight, we're going out to eat and shopping while D is home with a nurse. What about when we go to Camp Luther, or camping in Wisconsin, or any other trip? Can we bring him along? Do we have to leave him behind? And WHO can care for him if we can’t??? These are the things that are most overwhelming! It’s just hard to explain that his smile makes it all worthwhile!